


No Bells on Sunday

by Captain_Stark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Slow Build, Steve Rogers Feels, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-08 17:29:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20839310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Stark/pseuds/Captain_Stark
Summary: Giving up everything for a love that may not be returned may sound stupid, but then again, Tony Stark is only a genius when it comes to book smarts.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Day by day I was hoping you'd be  
The kind of love that would give me peace of mind  
But it may just have passed me by  
Cause I'm not the loving kind  
\--"I'm Not the Loving Kind" by John Cale
> 
> Title taken from the Mark Lanegan song of the same name. Trying something different. Let me know what you think.

Tony Stark wasn't a stranger to this game, especially when it came to charity galas. Decades of ass kissing and having his ass kissed in return made it damn easy to play his role without thinking. Shake a few hands, kiss a few cheeks, a couple of "you're looking well, call me, we'll do lunch," and he'd have his freedom for the rest of the night. Maybe. If he was lucky.

Tony never really thought of himself as a lucky man. He let out a sigh as another ass kisser from the Department of Defense walked away, confident that the DoD would own his soul for the rest of eternity, which earned him a sharp elbow to his ribs. Coughing and rubbing his side, he turned to glare at the owner of elbow.

"Jesus, Pep, anyone ever tell you that your elbows are weapons of mass destruction? That fuckin' hurt," Pepper Potts rolled her eyes as she kept a brilliant, beautiful smile on her face as she waved at someone she knew. As soon she saw her acquaintance turn away, she spun around to face Tony and she launched into a lecture. For not the first time in his life, and he was sure it wouldn't be the last time, he was struck at just how beautiful she was, especially when she was in her zone as Chief Operating Officer of Stark Industries. It wasn't hard to see that she was good at her job, probably better than Tony. She took over the day to day operations once Tony revealed himself to the world as Iron Man and joined Nick Fury in his super secret boy band, The Avengers.

At one point, they were _THE_ power couple of the technology world. Him and her, against the world, creating new technology and new weapons to assist the United States in their quest for world peace or world domination, depending on how you looked at it...but it was never meant to last, at least not Tony and Pepper. Stark Industries would always be their priority and nothing would ever change that, but their relationship took a fatal blow when Tony realized that maybe Pepper wasn't the one for him. When he realized there was someone else occupying his thoughts, when he realized he was staring a little too long at and filling his mind of fantasies of...

"ANTHONY STARK, are you even listening to me? I swear, you're like a child," Pepper's angry voice cut through Tony's thoughts and broke him out of his reverie. Tony knew that tone of voice and he knew better than to crack a joke, so he put on a contrite look on his face and held up his hands in defeat.

"I'm sorry, I should have been listening. You know how much I hate these things. I can think of so many other things I could be doing right now," Unconsciously, he pulled at his shirt collar and tie, and his fingers played at the edge of the arc reactor glowing beneath his dress shirt. Pepper saw what he did and her face softened. She reached out and put her hand on Tony's arm, squeezing it gently. She was one of the only ones that knew how bad his anxiety and PTSD was after almost dying multiple times, even without mentioning a chest full of shrapnel and a head full of bad memories that began all of this.

"It's okay, Tony. I know. But this is really important, you know? Especially for you," She was right, of course she was right. She always was. He knew he needed to pull his head out of his ass and start paying attention. He held out his arm to Pepper and she linked her arm through his. This was his way of showing that he intended to behave. This gala was for war veterans with PTSD. He could suck it up for one night. He led Pepper to the bar and ordered himself a scotch on the rocks and a vodka martini for Pepper. After placing the order, he turned so that his back was leaned against the bar and surveyed the gala. He wasn't sure who put this on, but they did a hell of a job. He grabbed one of the programs off the bar and saw that this was a Stark Industries event. He slapped the program back down onto the bar, mentally kicking himself. Of course it was a Stark Industries sponsored event. He should have known, but what with saving the world and all that, it must have slipped his mind. He made a mental note to pay closer attention when his name was attached to something important.

The drinks were slid across the bar to him and he made sure to leave a hefty tip before handing Pepper's martini to her. He lifted his glass to her in a half-hearted toast and she clinked her glass with his. He took a swig of his scotch, appreciating the smooth burn as it made its way to his stomach. He was going to put the glass down and make small talk, but the glass stayed in his hand and he took swallow after swallow until it was gone. He signaled to the bartender for a refill, which was drained before the bartender could walk away, and made sure his glass was refilled again. Beside him, Pepper cleared her throat uncomfortably. She brought her martini to her lips before taking a dainty sip and pushing away from the bar.

"I'm going to mingle. You should come with me," she held out her hand for him to take, but he shook his head and took another sip of his drink.

"You go. You're much better at this than I am. I'll be fine. Go make me look good," she rolled her eyes, and he could tell she was upset with him for not making a bigger effort, but thankfully, she didn't tear him a new asshole this time. She knew he had his limits, and he was fast approaching his. He stayed at the bar for another minute or so before he saw Justin Hammer, from Hammer Industries, making his way over. Tony's lips curled in disgust and he did everything he could to keep from wretching all over the bar. The guy was like a cockroach; you couldn't kill him, he couldn't take a hint, and he kept showing up wherever he wasn't wanted. Tony could almost hear his voice and so, Tony looked for the quickest escape route. Everywhere he looked, there seemed to be something blocking his path; ex employees who wanted to prove that he didn't know what he was talking about when he let them go, old flings who just wouldn't take a goddamn hint when he didn't answer their calls the next day, and people who wanted him for one thing or another but didn't give one flying fuck about him as a person...they just wanted his name.

He could see Hammer getting closer and the room definitely felt like it was getting smaller. The tightness in his chest and the sweat forming on the back of his neck let him know that the panic attack was inbound, and he better get out of there if he wanted to head it off. God, if only he had the Iron Man suit. This would be so much easier, but Pepper had a rule about not bringing it to galas. Said it wasn't the right place for it. His eyes scanned the room as it got harder to breathe and he finally found his escape. One of the stairways leading to the balcony was clear, so with his drink in hand, he made his break for it. Walking as fast as humanly possible and dodging people like they were his captors in Afghanistan, he somehow made it to the stairs and up to the balcony without being trapped by anyone and his drink intact. He walked over to the railing of the balcony, paying no attention to the other attendees there with him, although he was pretty sure he just passed Clint Barton and Natasha Romanov, Hawkeye and Black Widow respectively, in an assassin makeout in a darkened corner. If they were trying to hide it, they were doing a shitty job of it, just like the did every night in the compound, when one would sneak into the other's room and nobody in a 50 foot radius would get any sleep until they both burned off whatever horny energy they had for each other. Tony made a note to have JARVIS sound an intruder alarm the next time he saw Barton going to Romanov's room, just to see their faces when they realized that it would be a false alarm. But at least seeing them in the corner successfully distracted him from the panic attack, so that was something.

Tony sighed as he looked out across the venue's courtyard just below the balcony. It was a warm night for Upstate New York, and it almost felt oppressive...or was that the feeling of loneliness? Honestly, he was more jealous than annoyed with Barton and Romanov. Even if they had been together for years, it was like they were still in their honeymoon phase, where they couldn't keep their hands off each other. In the year since Tony broke his engagement to Pepper, there had been more than a few flings...just warm skin and soft moans and not having to be fucking alone for the night. But nothing more than that one night. Because he still held out for the one thing, the one **PERSON**, he couldn't have. He threw away everything he had with Pepper for someone that could never love him, had probably never even thought about him that way, but he couldn't stand to only give Pepper a part of his heart, not when it wasnt all of it, or hell, even the biggest part of it. That wasn't fair to her. To her credit, she had taken it well. Not that any woman wants to hear her man is in love with someone else, but she had moved on with her life, and had someone new that she seemed to be keeping in the shadows.

Tony raised his glass in a silent toast to her and then took a drink. Truth be told, she deserved all the happiness in the world, and if some mystery person was giving it to her, then she could keep them hidden as long as she wanted. "Cheers, Potts."

He hadn't realized he had spoken out loud until a shadow fell over him and he heard a deep, masculine voice, tinged with a slight Brooklyn accent speak. "Talking to yourself again, Stark?"

Tony froze, his grip on his glass dangerously tight and close to shattering the glass. Of all the people at all the galas in the world, it would have to be him to show up to this one. He, the one Tony threw everything with Pep away for. He, the one that had no fucking clue how Tony felt because there was no way in hell Tony would ever let that secret out...because if he didn't feel--

"Rogers. I didn't know you'd would be here tonight. You didn't mention it." Tony looked up at Steve Rogers standing next to him. Captain America, dressed in his formal Army uniform, cut an imposing figure that made Tony feel small next to him. That usually didn't happen since Tony fought beside him in the Iron Man suit.

Steve smiled. "You didn't ask. But raising money for veterans? Can't think of a better function for Captain America to attend. By the way, I saw your name on the banners. Thank you for doing this."

Tony thought his insides were going to literally melt at the sight of Steve's smile. At the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he did smile, at the way a few stray strands of blonde hair fell out of place and into his blue eyes...the eyes that Tony would give every last dollar in his fucking bank account to see him as something other than a pain in the ass...

"Ah, it's a good cause. I'm happy to do it. Besides, I'm pretty sure it was Pepper's idea. She's the one that makes us look good," Steve laughed and then clapped his hand on Tony's shoulder in a friendly manner that made Tony very hyper aware of the close proximity of Steve's body, and suddenly, that feeling of not being able to breathe was back. This time, though, the feeling was almost welcomed. Steve opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted when Sharon Carter slipped her hand in his free hand and tugged him towards the main ballroom. He just grinned at Tony and just shrugged, letting himself be led away, leaving Tony alone with his thoughts again.

"Son of a bitch," he swore under his breath at Steve's retreating back, angry with Sharon for taking Steve, angry with Steve for leaving, and most of all, angry with himself for loving a man could never love him back. Steve Rogers was an All-American national hero, he had to be 100% straight.

Right?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giving up everything for a love that may not be returned may sound stupid, but then again, Tony Stark is only a genius when it comes to book smarts.

Tony woke up with a pounding headache and painfully dry throat. You'd think with waking up with hangovers since he was about fourteen he'd be used to it by now. Or he'd just simply learn how to keep from getting them. Old habits die hard. 

The previous night was a blur. But the feeling of constant claustrophobia was never too far behind. Residual effects of a night he was determined not to remember. Too many people, the never ending chaos of incessant chatter, Justin Hammer. His calloused palm came across his face, attempting to rub some sort of peace into his mind, all it did was centralize that migraine behind his eyes. Great. 

It took him three minutes to realize he wasn't alone. Another three minutes to get the courage to look over and see who it was. And less than sixty seconds to find himself covered in a cold sweat. _Steven Grant Rogers_. One perfect, passed out, Captain America. His stomach didn't handle the news very well. Between the swell of panic, embarrassment and the overwhelming wave of nausea, Tony Stark found himself flying out of bed and face first into a toilet bowl.

"Tony?"

_FUCK. PLEASE DON'T COME IN HERE. PLEASE DON'T-_

"Jesus, Tony." Pure pity. Tony didn't want to exist.

"Iron Man at your service." He slid away from the cool porcelain and found some relief against the wall. He attempted to give his captain a salute. It failed miserably. "Welcome to my glamorous life, Cap." His eyes closed as his head leaned back slowly. _Maybe if I close my eyes he'll disappear. _No such luck. The faucet ran and the floor creaked. There was a wash of body heat next to him. Steve always ran hot.

"Hey." There was a soft nudge of an elbow. "Drink this." Tony felt himself closing his eyes even tighter. He was willing, no begging, his mind just to fall asleep again. "Tony, please." 

Tony lost that battle.

He looked up to soft lines and eyes filled with concern. Tony hated those looks, he didn't want anyone's pity, but from Steve? He could've kissed him on the spot. _Shit._

He took the glass. Slow sips, careful not to shock his stomach into backflips. A few minutes passed that felt like an eternity. He silently handed the glass back to Steve who, on cue, refilled it like an old pro. He handed the glass back and sat next to Tony. The urge to puke had come back, but he was determined to fight it. Purely out of whatever shattered pride he had left.

"Sorry you drew the short straw, Cap." Tony honestly didn't feel like talking but the silence was gross torture at this point. "I'm sure babysitting a grown ass man was not on your to-do list last night." He could think of one thing that probably was on that list he thought bitterly. Tony Stark never wore jealously well.

He felt Steve shift next to him. 

"Pepper couldn't find you Tony. So she asked me to-"

"God. She would enlist a whole search party." Tony wanted to bang his head against the wall.

"It was just me and her, Tony. She was concerned." He felt Steve watching him. It's all he ever wanted but not like this. _Yes, Captain. Your second in command is a complete sad sack of shit. Sorry. _Tony couldn't help but choke out a laugh. It caught Steve off guard.

"Well, you, unfortunately, found me."

"God, Tony, don't say things like that."

_"_C'mon, Cap! Crack a joke! It's fine! I'm fine." Steve's eyebrows furrowed. He couldn't stare back at those concerned eyes. The room started to spin. He needed to get out of there. In the mad dash to stand up and run out of the room Tony's equilibrium failed him and the rest of his body followed suit. 

He tripped over Captain America.

_"_Tony!" Steve was fast but not that fast. 

Tony landed hard on his shoulder. The shock of pain that flew thru him did weird wonders for his hangover. Then again, pain always sobered one up pretty damn fast. He heard Steve say his name again. It's all he ever wanted. He could've burst into tears. But laughter came first. 

Sad, broken, laughter. 

Steve came quietly to his side, giving him a careful once over. Soldier's fingers nimbly checking off all possible places of injury, carefully rolling him onto his back. Steve asked him to sit up. He managed well enough. Captain America helped him to his feet. He swore he didn't try to fight it. Tony found himself burying his face into Steve's neck. It's all he ever wanted.

Steve put him back to bed. He asked Tony to rest. Tony wanted to protest, but kind eyes won out. He felt himself drifting off to much needed, even if it was unwanted, deep sleep. The last hazy thought that crossed Tony's mind was one of pure terror.

_This isn't my penthouse. _

He slept well into the afternoon.

* * *

The living room was calm and still, the sun slowly starting to filter through the windows. Steve Rogers could usually count on peaceful mornings.

This wasn't one of those mornings.

The phone rang on continuously on the other end. Of course she was asleep. It was barely 7am on a Sunday morning. Even after all this time he still never realized that civilians ran on a completely different-

"Captain Rogers!" Steve could tell she was trying to sound as awake as she could, but the gentle yawn she let out gave her away. Did he hear rustling in the background? 

_Stop it, Steve. Its none of your business._

"Hi, Miss Potts-" she asked him to call her Pepper, _old habits die hard._ "Pepper. Is there any way you can talk?" 

Tony had been out for nearly two hours since the bathroom incident. Steve wondered if Tony even realized how early it had been. Did he even realize that he wasn't at his own house? Pepper stirred him out of his thoughts.

"Sure thing, Captain."

"Please, call me Steve. We're all friends here." At least he considered them friends. They've known each other for a good five years at this point. His heart ached for her when Tony ended their engagement. She was honestly the best thing to ever happen to Tony. They always seemed to even each other out. Peaceful. Happy. 

Tony never talked about it.

"How is he? Is Tony ok? Where did you find him?" Her voice held a hint of worry but ultimately it was soft, quiet. She was trying to keep her voice down. She was also moving. Her questions had to be tabled for later. Steve needed answers. And there was no way around his looming question. 

"Pepper, does Tony have PTSD?" He didn't hear her footsteps anymore. Her breathing hitched. He had his answer. 

"Did he have another nightmare?" He felt the panic coming thru the phone. 

"Yes." He didn't want to go into the details. 

"Steve. I know this is something you, the team, should know, but he didn't want anyone to worry. He didn't want to be off the team."

"Pepper I would never want to take him off the team. But if he needs some-"

"Steve, he's gone to a therapist when it's humanly possible every two weeks for the last six years...."

"Since Afghanistan." Steve had read that file more times than he could count. When they first met they couldn't have clashed any harder he wanted to know what made Tony Stark such an insufferable....

_He didn't think, and hadn't thought that of Tony in that way for a long time,_ and nothing in that file ever mentioned any form of mental health issues. 

"And he's had an appointment every other month since he was 17." Her words hit him like a sack of bricks. 

"Since he was 17?" He couldn't wrap his head around it. He could understand if Pepper had told him twenty-one, that's when Howard and Maria had died, but seventeen? "Why?" 

"I'm sorry, Steve. I shouldn't be telling you any of this, if he wants you to know anything more, he's going to have to tell you." Steve knew when he was facing a losing battle. 

He slightly zoned out when Pepper had changed the subject, she mentioned that she was going to send Happy over to his apartment within the next few hours to drop off spare clothes for Tony and food for them both. Steve, being the whole embodiment of Captain America, turned down the food. That he was plenty stocked and could make some sort of meal for himself and Tony too if he could manage to eat.

Pepper Potts didn't take no for an answer. She was deathly charming when she needed to be. Tony had rubbed off on her, it would seem. The phone called ended.

He sat in a thick silence while the conversation mulled over in his head. 

_".....he's going to have to tell you."_

Steve decided he was going to work out as best he could in his living room. He needed, wanted to clear his head. 

Tony Stark had gone six years without mentioning a word to him.

He didn't understand why his heart ached so much.

* * *


End file.
